Guestbook

Jordan, you know..its been a few months since you passed bro..but every time im down in long beach walkin the boardwalk, watchin the surfers..or watchin my boys out there skate boarding.. i always think of you..even that stupid 'hooptie'blue astro van with the "thrasher" sticker..when i see one wiz by me..i think about you..dude, since i last wrote..i got almost 5 months back..my birthday is on the 28th..and im sober..every one we knew, still talk about you in meetings, good things, how you helped them..how you helped me.. i pray for you every nite...you'll always be around me no matter were i am..stupid things like what i mentioned above...memories..i will always cherish them..keep rockin up there in heaven dude..rock the board...jesus rox!!!! miss ya much

I still come back to the site occasionally to see what's up. I see a few other folks do to. I've rooted around my boxes of letters and photos to see if I can find a scrap, a memory, a bead... Nothing. so I come to see if there are any new pix to spawn memories and make me smile. They do the job. Jordan's memorial was a great thing, but very sad and emotional for me. I spent the 3 hour drive home weepy and have since been caught off gaurd by memories & thoughts of J. some times I think, "I wish you were here right now, you'd love to be doing this with me, if I could only take you in and nurse you" other times I think, "you dumbass". Happens most weeks. sh*t I hadn't even seen him in years, and might have gone my whole life without seeing him again, but I loved him. What a f**king guy! I burned a commemorative fire outside during a snowstorm at my New Years party. I fed it oysters and drinks and talked to him. Was so New-Age corney, but i felt like I had to remember him that night, and talk to the friends around me about him and our loss. The feelings were so raw. I still miss you dumbass.

I think of you often Jordan. I feel blessed to have met you! It's been almost a year since you did all the great work in my house. Everytime I look around my beautiful apartment, I think of you and the hard work you put in painting. The pictures you were going to hang for the bathroom are still sitting in adam and my bedroom. I'm sorry for the pain you must have been feeling to have picked up again. I'm sorry for the loss your family and friends are feeling. You are loved and missed deeply each day. love, linda

I'm sorry I didn't get to know you enough. Maybe I was to shy or didn't think of myself enough to talk to you. But you were always nice to me whenever we would run into each other. I know that many people thought very highly of you. You were a good person and I hope that when my time comes that I will be lucky enough to be in the presents of you. And I just want you to know that I often think of you and I hope that your not in pain anymore. I hope that the disease which brought you down cannot hurt you anymore. You are missed, Everyday...

Jordan I miss you,Happy B-Day!Funny..Today at work, I was folding a drop cloth and Jordo would make fun at me because I would take a marker and put my initials on each of my drop cloths.As I was folding one today I noticed that my initials had been crossed out with a big X and a big JLF was beside it.I know we were laughing together today. Rob S. I left you a couple of messages,call me please!

Happy Birthday, sweet nephew. You & Mom are celebrating together today. We love and miss you. May you rest in peace, Love, Aunt Trixie xoxoxoxo

Tommy, a few weeks ago my dad showed me the piece you wrote as a memorial for Jordan. I was so moved by it and I have thought of him often since reading what you wrote. I am so glad that you stay in touch with his friends. It sounds like they are such caring people. I also really enjoyed looking at some of your son's artwork that is up on this website. It's really really so good!!! I am a big fan of modern art. I also believe that you should put an art show together. I bet a lot of people would help contribute maybe even turn it into a fundraiser or something. I'm glad you are coming on sunday. I sent your invitation out and I'm sorry you never recieved it. See you soon! -Anna Cullen

Thank you Rob for your words of love and support. You are right, it is tough and I think you are also right that J did a lot of good in the short time he was here. I can see how many friends he had and how generous he was to them all.

What a delightful surprise to arrive home tonight and find a new array of Jordan's work on the site. Peter & Lynette, thanks for putting all these images up. I am thinking of Jordan a lot as is birthday approaches. The Olympic snowboarders with their flying runs and their mile wide grins remind me of him. On Friday I heard Neil Young's The Needle and the Damage Done for the first time since Jordan's death, and started to cry. I miss him and wish he could have stayed with us and found his way through recovery. This forum has been a wonderful comfort, to read all the posts from Jordy's friends and know he touched so many people in a positive way has brought peace to me and, I hope, to all of you. Our family is diminished by his loss but the ripples he sent out into the world will keep his spirit alive, and I know he is reunited with his mom, my sister. May God bless all of you, work and pray for peace, and for the human connections we all have the ability to make and continue. I look forward to meeting some of you for the first time and reconnecting with the rest in the near future. Love, Aunt Trixie

MR FERRARO, FIRST OFF , I NEED TO SAY HOW SORRY I AM TO HEAR OF JORDANS PASSING.. I JUST LEARNED OF IT 2 WEEKS AGO.. I DIDNT KNOW YOU HAD A WEBSITE FOR HIM TILL THIS PASS TUESDAY. JORDAN AND I WERE AT BOTH SEAFEILD AND K.J'S HOUSE..RECOVERING... TOGETHER.. HE WAS A TRUE LISTENER AND HE WAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE MY FRIEND.. I WAS DEVESTATED AT FIRST AND COULDNT BELIEVE HE WAS GONE.. I WAS CALLING HIM FOR WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS TO NO AVAIL...AGAIN I WAS AWAY AT A REHAB...BATTELING THE DEVIL AGAIN... JORDAN CAME TO SEE ME ABOUT A MONTH BEFORE I WENT AWAY, JUST TO LEND AN EAR AS ALWAYS...THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM OR SPOKE TO HIM.. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I WILL ATTEND THE MEMORIAL WHENEVER IT IS.. I WAS WITH HIM ON HIS LAST BIRTHDAY AND WANT TO BE WITH HIM FOR THIS ONE.. JORDAN WORKED WITH ME, HE WAS IN RECOVERY WITH ME AND HE LIVED WITH ME. I THINK I KNEW HIM WELL ENOUGH TO SAY THAT I LOVED HIM..AT TIMES LIKE A BROTHER..HE WILL BE MISSED BY ALL WHO KNEW HIM..HE'S IN GODS HANDS NOW..REST IN PEACE MY BROTHER...P.S. THE SANDWICH SHOULD BE CALLED "THE JORNANAIRE" AND IN K.J'S HOUSE HE ATE TUNA MELTS (SWISS CHEESE) LIKE THEY WERE GOING OUTTA STYLE..

Lynette: I have not forgotten about the service. First we are getting his death certificate together and finishing up some loose ends. Tell Peter to call me. And Kelly, thanks very much for your beautiful words about my son. I always thought Jordan was socially gifted. When he was just a little boy of 5 or so he would talk to me about one of his friends who may have been depressed and he would ask me why the boy was so sad. Right then I knew how kind and smart Jordan would turn out to be.Years later he was given a scholarship because of his social leadership ability. And I'm with you Lynette when you say you get angry when you think of him being gone. I constantly think of his death and think it was such a waste for him to be gone so soon. I know what kind of contribution he was starting to make in his film, production, art direction career.

Peter and I are going up to Hunter Mountain tommorow and I know he will be thinking of Jordan, and the times they snowboarded together. When I think of him it makes me angry. I hope Mr. Ferraro gets us together for Jordans memorial. I know Jordans birthday is coming up and it would be nice for everyone to get together and share some memories.

I met Jordan a few monthes ago through work, and like everyone, I liked him immediately. I will always remember him for his laughter and kindness . Looking through the photos on this site he looks like he enjoyed his life and his friends to the fullest. I only wish I could have known him better. He will be missed.

Thank You So Much...Dr Tom.Gratitude is so important and has so many hidden rewards.It is difficult to find gratitude during difficult times,but if you can show some appreciation and pass along a kind,sincere "thank you" you might experience a feeling of goodness or spiritual awakenings.I have only learned in sobriety to be grateful for what I have..what I dont have,what I have found..what I have lost.

Our family was deeply saddend by Jordans death. We pray for him, his family and friends that they might have strength in this time of great loss. We will keep Jordan and all of you in our hearts always.

I met Jordan about three months ago on a job, and we became fast friends. He was one of those rare people in the film business that actually helped out his fellow comrad. He got me so many jobs that I would joke about paying him a commision. It was unbelievable actually, how kind he was to me. Our friendship was just beginning. I guess what I want to say is that he was only in my life for a short period and he changed it. He will always be dear to my heart. I want to express by deepest condolences to his family and friends.

I fisrt met Jordan in the rooms of NA, and he always had a smile on his face. Jordan seemed like an upbeat poitive kind of person to me although I did not know him that well at first. We shared some good conversations, and I have had the pleasure of having Jordan over my apartment for our ritual UFC (Ultimate Fighting Champion) Pay Per View Events when they came around. In the summer time you would find Jordan at the beach surfing while we were laying out tanning on a beach nearby. Jordan will definetly be missed, a life taken from us much too early.

A little over a month has past since that horrible night when Jordons Dad and I stood in the stairwell of J's apt waiting for the Police to tell us what we already knew.Not a day goes by that I dont replay that hour in my head,and the 3 days before..banging on his door,screaming up to his window..it feels as if some of my insides were removed.Each day that goes by I reread comments and look at the pictures over and over.It still hurts so much!every couple of days I cruise by his apt and look up at the window and I ask God why?! in a very selfish way,I want to ask Jordan why!?!I am trying to honor Jordan helping other's who are suffering with this disease of addiction.I personally witnessed Jordan put his hand out,lend a kind word or share some of his time and knowledge about recovery.I was fortunate enough to be on the recieving end of it at one time.I hope to impact someones road to recovery like Jordan did mine!

Note to the last person to write in. Please forgive yourself is you feel so guilty. We all feel guilty for so many things but Jordan always was quick to say it is not our fault. I think somehow the problems he faced were bigger then anyyone who tried to lend a hand...so don't feel guilty about things/.....it does no good at all...

I met Jordan in 2002 during his trip in Europe because we had uncle David and aunt Alberta in common. I had the luck to hang out with him for a couple of days and, this is not rhetoric, he was one of the best people I ever met.It's hard to explain.

Nice words Steve. I know what you mean by anger and by thinking he is still around and about to call us ot just show up at any minute. I have received so many e mails from readers and words of confort through mass cards, calls, etc that I have finally figured out how Jordan is speaking to us now. He speaks through other people who hear of his death and then offer love and goodness. I consider that direct love from Jordan to us. I appreciate it alot and lets me understand what everyone means by the afterlife. He is in others and speaks through them. I would rather see him directly but it is better then nothing I guess......

I want to thank everyone who has been posting here. It has helped me a lot w/ processing my thoughts and feelings. I feel like I should be posting on here more myself, but I'm finding it difficult for some reason. Maybe I'm still holding on to some fantasy that this is all just a dream that I'll wake up from. I was walking to work this morning and I walked past a guy who looked kind of like Jordan and it triggered a thought that maybe he's not really gone and I'm just being 'punk'd' or something. I guess my mind is just trying to have some sympathy for my heart by working out a solution that will ease the pain. Problem solving is something that I am good at, but this doesn't work that way I guess.I have been in recovery for 8.5 years now and casually studying Buddhism for about 5. I've also had a lot of people who were close to me die throughout my life so I feel like I should know what to do with these feelings and depression that keep running over me at their own will. I asked a close friend and Buddhist teacher of mine what he did when his close friend died from the same thing 5 years ago and he told me that it is supposed to feel this way - it's called grieving and it's perfectly natural. Another thing that he said which I found to be very helpful was that I need to be able to forgive Jordan for leaving me. On some level we all want freedom from the suffering that comes with being human and by sharing this it bonds us together. Sort of like the bond that soldiers at war develop I guess. Jordan and I have been through some really great times together and some really devastating times too. I definately have a real bond to him and I think I need to forgive him for leaving me here in this human realm. So Jordan: I forgive you, I love you, and I miss you as a human being. I know that you are still here - just in a different form, so don't be shy w/ letting me know.

I am currently applying for a summer fellowship and in reviewing some of my previous application essays, I found this one... and it obviously has taken on a deeper meaning. I am feeling better but in moments like this, encountering Jordan's memory, I am struck by my grief again.The Question: "Discuss a piece, or pieces, of art, literature, music or film that you have created or experienced. Why is it meaningful to you? What have you learned?"My Answer: "My bedroom proudly houses three pieces of original artwork. Above my bed, is a highly detailed pencil drawing of a large tree, framed with a small rectangular mirror on either side. This piece was given to me by my late aunt when I was born. Above my desk is a colorful oil painting of skulls, hearts, and shapes on canvas. This painting was given to me by my cousin, a professional artist, shortly after his return from drug rehabilitation. Finally, in a small frame on my bookshelf is a crayon drawing which is indiscernible but resembles, if anything, a hot air balloon. I drew this at the kitchen table in my great uncle's house at age 4 and it hung on his kitchen wall until he died a few years ago. My family is full of artists and many have made serious efforts to make art the center of their lives and livelihoods. Though I never met my grandmother, I have learned about her through her paintings and the accompanying stories that were in my home as a child. Art is a form of communication that is long-lasting and can transmit messages when there is truly no other way to do so. My aunt intended for me to grow like the tree she drew for me as an infant and to see and reflect on myself and my character as I did. Her passing was painful for me but having that artifact keeps her spirit and intentions for me alive to this day. My cousin's painting describes his pain and fear but also his love and thoughtfulness. He gave this to me at a time when our relationship was distant due to his struggle with addiction but having this artifact keeps me aware of his emotions and experiences every day. My own childhood artwork framed so handsomely reminds me of the love and respect I was given from my family at a young age. To value art, however great or basic, is to value the passage of meaning from one individual to another over time, space, and experience."

Thanks Krista for the coments about Jord and Peter. Nice words and nice poem.........Here are some of Jordan's nicknames. I think he must have the most nicknames of anyone I know.1) Buster Biptner (I called him that for years when he was young)2)George (Robert said that)3)JRock4)Jordache5)JLF6)The Original Big Guy7)Jordie8)J9)Sasquatch10)Big Foot